Chapter 229 — Despair

Yet even if no one doubted Su Wan's grief, her behavior remained deeply puzzling. Ming Li wanted to ask, but at this moment Su Wan's back, turned toward him, was like a wall, and he did not know how to begin.

It was at this moment that Su Wan broke the silence: "What is it? Do you have something to say to me?"

Ming Li was startled. Then, after a moment's deliberation, he finally said cautiously, "Master's wife, I do have a few words—though I know not whether I ought to speak them."

Su Wan said calmly, "Speak. I know well enough that these words are likely not yours alone."

Ming Li was momentarily at a loss. He had always known his master's wife to be a woman of supreme intelligence, and it seemed the pain of losing her husband had not overly clouded her thinking. He gave a light cough and said, "Master's wife, forgive your disciple's boldness. I understand your grief over Master's passing..." Here his gaze inadvertently fell upon Tian Buhui's countenance, and he could not help but feel a pang in his heart. After a moment he continued, "But I beg you, Master's wife, whatever else, to take care of your health. Moreover, though you grieve, Master's funeral affairs should be arranged as soon as possible. And Senior Sister Ling'er, by both sentiment and reason, ought to be informed so she may return and pay her respects to Master."

Su Wan neither turned nor spoke. Ming Li's heart was uneasy; he lowered his head slightly and said softly, "Master's wife, if I have spoken too boldly or presumptuously, please do not take offense."

Su Wan shook her head and slowly turned around to face him. Looking at Ming Li, she said, "You said nothing wrong. Everything you said is right."

Ming Li looked at Su Wan and was startled at heart. Su Wan's appearance today was quite different from the past few days. Though still in mourning attire, it was clear from her face that she had made herself up, looking much more spirited, and even more beautiful—enough to stir the heart.

Ming Li lowered his head, at a loss for what to say. After a long hesitation, he said, "Master's wife, there is one more matter on which I boldly seek your guidance."

Su Wan said calmly, "Speak."

Ming Li said, "Master's passing grieves your disciple as much as it does you, Master's wife. But Master's remains truly should not be moved carelessly, and even less should they be brought to this back mountain..."

Su Wan suddenly cut in: "Are you lecturing me?"

Ming Li hastily shook his head and said, "Your disciple would not dare!"

Su Wan glanced at him and said nothing, but her expression gradually softened. She seemed to have thought of something, and suddenly a look of desolation came over her face. She said, "Old Seven, do you know how many years your master and I were married?"

Ming Li's heart jolted. He vaguely sensed that her words carried deep sorrow, heavy with grief. Yet even knowing this, he did not know how to comfort her. His heart was anxious, but he could only say in a low voice, "Your disciple does not know."

Su Wan smiled, turned back around, and slowly sat down beside Tian Buhui. In a low voice she said, "In truth, it's not only you who doesn't know—even I have forgotten. The years in these mountains, the two of us keeping each other company, were enough for my heart. How could I have thought to count the days? He often laughed at me for being foolish, saying that if in the future we failed in our cultivation and could not enter the immortal records, falling back into reincarnation, then at that moment of parting in life and death, who knew what it would be like."

Her voice gradually sank. "That day I asked him what he would want. He said he had no other wish—if he should go before me, a cultivator need not think of any grand burial, nor even a coffin. To come naturally and go naturally, asking only for a handful of yellow earth on the back mountain of Dazhu Peak. That way he could watch over the people of the front mountain day and night, and not fear loneliness."

Before she finished speaking, tears had already silently streaked her face.

Ming Li clenched his jaw, unable to speak.

Da Huang, lying nearby, lifted its head slightly, looked at Su Wan, then lay back down, its tail giving a gentle wag.

Su Wan gazed at Tian Buhui for a long while, then suddenly waved her hand and said, "Go down the mountain for now. Come back in half an hour."

Ming Li was startled and could not help but hesitate. He called out, "Master's wife..."

Su Wan said, "What is it?"

Ming Li hesitated, then finally mustered his courage and said, "Master's wife, the agreement Master made with you in life—we disciples naturally would not dare defy it. But before Master is laid to rest, ought we not still inform Senior Sister Ling'er..."

Su Wan was silent for a moment, then said in a low voice, "Very well. When you go down the mountain, tell Daren to go quietly to Longji Peak and call Ling'er back."

Ming Li nodded, turned, and left. When he reached the stone steps at the path's edge, he could not help but look back. Su Wan sat silently beside Tian Buhui's body, her figure lonely—a sight truly heartbreaking to behold. His heart ached again; he hastily turned back, not daring to look further, and went on his way.

Walking along the road, his mind settled somewhat, and he could not help but recall the strange events of the past few days. That Su Wan forbade Song Dayi and the others from informing the various lineages of Canglan Mountain of the death was in itself exceedingly strange; that she would not even inform Tian Lingsu was even more unreasonable. To handle Tian Buhui's funeral affairs in such a manner today—though it had been agreed upon by Tian Buhui in life—was still, in the end, too hasty.

Ming Li sighed inwardly and shook his head. In truth, cultivators did not much regard matters after death. Flesh and bone buried among the green hills and yellow earth—perhaps that was not necessarily a bad thing.

Pondering thus, he could not be bothered to ride the wind and instead followed the mountain path down on foot. Unknowingly he reached the mountainside. He recalled how, in those early days when he first came to Dazhu Peak, he had followed Eldest Senior Brother Song Dayi and Junior Sister Tian Lingsu to the back mountain—how arduous that stretch of road had been. The past stood vivid before him, still in his heart.

He wondered how Senior Sister Ling'er had fared all these years.

A faint bitter smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. He shook his head—and then suddenly stopped in his tracks, looking ahead with some surprise.

On the mountain path ahead, a white figure had suddenly appeared, graceful and lovely, standing silently. In the morning light she seemed touched by not a whit of worldly air, gazing at him in silence.

Ming Li gazed back at her. The two looked at each other for a long while, yet seemed to have nothing to say.

The mountain breeze blew gently, stirring her hair and garments, which fluttered softly in the wind.

At last it was Ming Li who spoke first: "You... what brings you here?"

Lu Xueling said softly, "My master sent me to pay respects to Aunt-Master Su."

Ming Li nodded silently. After a moment's hesitation, he said, "Master's wife is on the back mountain now, but at this moment she wishes to be alone and does not want anyone to disturb her. She told me to come up only after half an hour."

Lu Xueling nodded as well and said, "That's fine. I'll wait, then."

Ming Li gave a sound of assent and fell silent. Lu Xueling over there seemed at a loss for what to say as well. Between the two of them, as the silence gradually deepened, though they stood motionless, the distance between them seemed to grow greater.

After a long while, Lu Xueling said softly, "The wounds on your body... are they better?"