Chapter 46 — Pain

After that bout of violent raving, whether because Zhang Qingyue's constitution was hardy to begin with or because Bili's comforting had done its work, the fever that had burned so long began slowly to abate. Zhang Qingyue's senses returned by degrees; he grew lucid again, though the illness still lay heavy on him and for the most part he kept to his bed.

One day, with nothing to do, Bili wandered about the cave and at last came to the four lines Lady Golden Bell had left behind. She studied them closely and could not help sighing over them. Zhang Qingyue, sitting nearby, could not restrain himself: "What are you sighing for?"

Bili gave a cold snort. "I sigh for the lady. With such wit and such beauty, and you foul men repaid her by betraying her, so that her whole life was bitter. What a waste!"

Zhang Qingyue was struck dumb.

Bili read the lines over carefully once more, and all at once gave a startled "Eh!" — for she had found something strange. In the last line, the last character, "bitter," had its lower "mouth" radical sunk deep into the stone, quite unlike any other character. Her eyes flickered, and she grasped it almost at once. She reached down, took the Joybell from her waist, and held it up to compare. It fit exactly, no more and no less, and she could not help giving a cry of delight.

Behind her Zhang Qingyue asked in surprise, "What is it?"

Bili turned and smiled at him. "We're saved!"

Zhang Qingyue started, and at once his spirit revived. "Truly?"

Bili fitted the bell in. It gave no response. She tried turning it left and right, and after a moment there came a sudden rattle from the stone, and the rock wall shook. Bili, badly startled, clutched the golden bell and hurried back, and with a great "boom" a whole layer of the smooth stone wall came crashing down, revealing the layer beneath — carved, like the Book of Heaven in the inner chamber, with writing.

Zhang Qingyue's first reaction was joy, but then he searched the wall from side to side, and his face slowly fell. It seemed this mechanism had been set by Lady Golden Bell only to conceal the writing on the wall; there was no way out. At this he was cast down utterly.

Bili, however, was gazing intently at the wall. What Lady Golden Bell had left, hidden with such care, could not be any common thing. After a long while her expression shifted, dark and fair by turns, but wonder was heaviest in it, and she said softly, "So this is the 'Fool's Passion Incantation.'"

Zhang Qingyue, impatient beside her, came over and glanced at it, and saw that the first lines ran:

Spirits of the ninefold dark, gods and demons of all heaven,

By my flesh and blood, take me as your sacrifice.

Through three lives and seven ages, forever cast into Yama's realm,

For love alone — though I die, I do not repent.

…

At a glance he knew it for a vicious curse of the evil path, but seeing that Bili's face was mostly joyful, he could not help snorting. "Does it say where the way out is?"

Bili was taken aback. "No."

Zhang Qingyue said mildly, "Then what use is it for you to learn it?"

Bili was silent, and only after a good while said, "You don't know the history of this Fool's Passion Incantation. It has been handed down in our Holy Church since ancient times — but the tale is that no one has ever been willing to use it."

At that Zhang Qingyue's curiosity was roused. "Why?"

Bili sighed. "They say this text was grasped from the Book of Heaven long ago by a woman founder of great wisdom. But only women may cultivate it. I have heard it takes a woman's whole essence and blood and transforms them into a fierce curse of matchless power…"

Before she had finished, Zhang Qingyue cut her off, scorn plain in his eyes. "Then call it the 'Fierce Blood Incantation.' Why 'Fool's Passion'? Demons and heretics, aping refinement!"

Bili's face changed, but then she was still a moment and said quietly, "You are right. Even Lady Golden Bell herself, in the end, did not use it."

Zhang Qingyue paid her no heed.

The two of them passed several more days there. In his idle hours Zhang Qingyue would go study the Book of Heaven, while Bili often sat staring blankly at the wall, at what she called the Fool's Passion Incantation, lost in thought.

The first volume of the Book of Heaven in truth contained no practical method of cultivation; the whole was difficult, abstruse writing, and might be counted a general outline. But Zhang Qingyue, having learned the true arts of both the Buddhist and the Daoist schools, could more or less understand the text — understand it, and no more. As for the state of being joined with Heaven as one, he was still utterly at a loss. Did it mean that the two great true arts, the Taiji Profound Purity Way and the Great Brahma Prajna, were to be fused and wielded at once?

Though he knew the hope of survival was slight, the temptation worked on him still, and Zhang Qingyue soon tried to cultivate in the direction the Book of Heaven described. But to use these two great true arts at once — how could that be easy? Within moments his blood and breath were in turmoil, and he had to give it up in despair. For several days running he made not the least progress.

And with that came a greater difficulty still, set before the two of them: there was no food left.

Those who cultivate the Way may soar to heaven and dive into the sea, but in the end they are still mortal flesh. The ancients are said to have practiced the art of abstaining from grain, neither drinking nor eating — but no one has ever seen it done. Since entering this cave, Zhang Qingyue had lost his rations; luckily there was still clear water to drink in the cave, but of dry provisions only Bili had brought any, and how could that be enough for two? Sparing as they might, it was soon eaten up.

How long they stayed in the cave after that, they could not tell; it could hardly have been more than two days before Zhang Qingyue and Bili sat staring at an empty food bag.

"Ai!" Bili sat on the stone platform, the heap of dry bones close beside her, yet showing not the least discomfort — demon-cult women, it seemed, were indeed not quite like ordinary folk. But just now her face was full of worry.

Zhang Qingyue was recovering fast; the fever was nearly gone, and apart from some weakness in his limbs there was little amiss. Hearing Bili sigh, he turned his head to look at the demon-cult woman. What met his eyes was a girl in water-green robes sitting at the edge of the platform, her feet dangling in midair and swinging idly to and fro, so that the Joybell at her waist rang "ding-dang, ding-dang." Had he not been in such a place, and had he not known who she was, Zhang Qingyue might almost have taken her for an innocent young girl.

Yet seen so, Bili looked far more worn than when they first met. Being a girl, she still went each day to the little water curtain to wash and comb herself, so her looks were still neat and her features fine, with nothing squalid about her — only she had plainly grown thin these days. At the thought, something stirred in Zhang Qingyue's heart. From childhood he had heard his master and seniors teach that all who walk the demon path are selfish, cruel, and ruthless. Yet here, in this cave of certain death, for what reason would this demon-cult woman still give half of the little food she had to him?

Zhang Qingyue was lost in these thoughts and did not notice Bili looking his way. Seeing that he had, at some point, begun to stare at her blankly, she flushed suddenly and cried, "What are you looking at?"

Zhang Qingyue started and hurriedly turned his head away. "N-nothing."

Bili, behind him, did not scold him loudly as he had expected. After a long while, what came instead was a sigh. "We are trapped in this cave of death, not far from dying. You need not be so stiff with me."